Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Flying

As I write this I am sitting on an airplane.  Flying is one of those things that hardly anyone really likes to do, but endures simply because it’s the quickest way to get from one place to the next.  And if you take it to the extreme it can be as bad as how my friend Matt Plummer described it; “I would rather spend a week in the hospital than fly on an airplane.”  It’s a combination of a lot of things really.  The crying babies, the people behind you who consistently feel the need to bump and shake your seat, the turbulence, the delays, the cancellations, the missed flight, the lost bags, etc.  So, a few of my friends and I have compiled a list of things that we would rather be doing instead of flying on this God-for-saken aircraft.  The people who contributed to this list will remain anonymous, due to them not wanting to take anything away from my fame. 

Things we would rather be doing than sitting on this airplane (note: some may be exaggerations):

1.    Light myself on fire
2.    Prostate exam
3.    Eating Indian food
4.    Run a marathon
5.    Taking a #2 in a very dirty, diseased porta-jon
6.    See what really goes in Taco Bell meat
7.    Jump out of this airplane
8.    Get drunk on cosmos
9.    Give up porn
10.    Beg for work outside of a Home Depot
11.    Have an erection that lasts for 4 hours or more and not consult my physician
12.    Watching a Gilmore Girls marathon
13.    Bunjee jumping with dental floss
14.    Get lost in the Sahara
15.    Attend a Barrack Obama campaign rally 
16.    Get a root canal done
17.    Take the in class portion of drivers ed over
18.    Watching The Notebook, Titanic, and Runaway Bride in one sitting

If anyone has any other things they would rather do then fly, feel free to leave comments. 

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